The Backlog

MANIFESTO

I have been entrusted by YB Pazuzu to challenge Mohd Puad Zarkashi of Barisan Nasional and Muhamad Abdullah of PAS for the P150 Batu Pahat seat. It is my honour to campaign for what I believe in, and to propose a better alternative for the sake of better standards of living. BatuPahatans (not to be confused with rambutans) shall enjoy a reign of peace and the freedom to embark on development projects deemed fit to upgrade lives other than their own. This is a manifesto that not only targets a single racial community in Batu Pahat. This manifesto sapus everyone in all communities. Even pets and strays will have rights of their own… for a price.

1. No more karaoke lounges… my foot. In fact, more karaoke lounges shall be built for the sole purpose of keeping P licensed adolescents and reckless women drivers off the streets. These group of people shall be given a discount card that entitles them to a 10% discount and a waiver of whatever tax the lounge might creatively impose. This will not only lessen the amount of traffic jams due to vehicular collisions, but also improve the prospect of a BatuPahatan participating the next Malaysian Idol and eventually win it.

2 . Gambling dens shall be opened to public like gyms, only to categorize customers by skill instead of gender. Weekly classes shall be held to improve the skills of amateur gamblers. This creates more jobs for the community, as gambling dens need cleaners to maintain the hygiene of the place. Cleaners are responsible of properly discarding the shells left behind by peanuts and sunflower seeds, that is to replant the shells in hope that the shells will sprout and grow more peanuts and sunflower seeds. This will contribute greatly to the nation’s economical development, as Batu Pahat aims to be the main exporter of peanuts and sunflower seeds within the next three years.

3. Stray dogs shall be given tags and these tags correspond to an arbitrary tiang. These tiangs will each serve each stray as a comfortable place to mark their territory by dropping a few drips of urine. Much like cukai tanah, the strays will be have to contribute to Batu Pahat’s economy by paying some form of cukai tiang. The strays do not pay money to the government, but offer payment in form of obedience. Dogs shall form a neighbourhood watch patrol team that patrols each area in Batu Pahat. The area the troop patrols corresponds to the area of the tiang assigned to the dog.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Elect me, and I will do wonders for Batu Pahat.

HOW TO VOTE FOR PARTI UNDI ROSAK

For my supporters, please vote for me in the upcoming elections.

If you don’t see the Pundak (Parti Undi Rosak) symbol, then draw anything you like within the box of any other candidate. The election commission will count this as a vote for Pundak.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Yang benar,

Sdr decypher